So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
