It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
