Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
