3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Farmville is her only friend.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
