only you would photoshop your dick
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
