you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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