Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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