Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
