What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So squirting runs in the family.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
