Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
