Im at strip club and am horny
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
