I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
