I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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