Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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