I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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