Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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