You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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