You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
