Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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