So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
