the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
