Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
