Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
