drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
