I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
