That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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