Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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