I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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