did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
