Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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