I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
