Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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