If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize