I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
