I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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