Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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