My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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