Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
