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dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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