WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
