he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
