the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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