Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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