His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
