the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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