who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
