is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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