Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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