I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
