Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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