If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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