but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
