i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
