Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
