she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
