I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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