hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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