just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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