I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
