Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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