you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
