After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
