the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
