i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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