i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
