He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
