He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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