you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
