I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize