i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize