We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
