Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
