Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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