Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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