Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
