normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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