When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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