and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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