I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
3 2 1 whiskey
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
