My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
